Inward Prayer

Small Group Questions:

1. Before tonight, how would you describe dating, what it’s for, how it works?
2. Have you ever had any conversations with your parents about dating? If so how did it go? Do you think that it would be helpful?
3. Dating can be great but it will not complete you. Where are you at in your relationship with God? On a scale of 1-10 how content are you in your identity?
4. Which of the”lies” mentioned today had you previously believed or maybe never thought about before?
5. Do you have any other questions about dating?

Outward Prayer

Week 2 When am I Ready to Date?

THE MAIN POINT

When am I ready to date?” is the wrong question… “Am I content in who God has made me to be?” is the right one.

THE BIBLE

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

THE CONTEXT

Dating is a topic that we often see a lot but don’t talk about a lot. There are often so many nuances and “unwritten rules” to dating which we rarely ask, yet we want to know. For some of us, we are not interested in dating and for others, dating is all we think about. So why does dating seem to be such an important life milestone and why does it have such a huge impact on our lives?

Dating is intertwined with love. The sense of feeling belonging, being wanted, and the desire to be loved are all-natural wants in life. Dating for many is the answer to these needs but as followers of Jesus we know that dating is not the ultimate fulfillment, neither is engagement, marriage, or friendship. We know that the ultimate fulfillment of belonging and love is found in God… after all, he designed it.

The Bible actually doesn’t talk about dating (so-to-speak). Dating/Courtship was a man-made construct that has been developed over the last 200 years. In the Bible, the context for romantic relationships was arranged marriages. But the Bible does give us a very clear direction on the type of company we should keep, on the boundaries, we should set in relationships, and the character of the person who could be our future spouse.

The Bible also doesn’t elevate marriage (dating 2.0) as the pinnacle of relationships or human relationships. The Bible actually encourages singleness (1 Cor 7:7-8) and claims that the highest of all relationships is those that actively live out 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which can be shown in friendship, family, dating, marriage, or any other relationship you find yourself in.

The reality is that nothing will fully fulfill your desires, wants, and needs but God. Therefore when you ask the question “when am I ready to date?”… ask yourself first “am I content in whom God has made me to be?” and “do I love people like 1 Cor 13 demands?”

If you want to be the best single person, friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, mom, dad…. love God first and find contentment in him.

THE CORE

As you prepare the core of the message using personal story and questions, keep in mind these points:

• You may want to begin your talk by breaking the awkward ice around dating or embracing the awkwardness. Maybe start by asking: How many people are currently single in the room? How many people have dated someone before? How many people are currently dating someone?
• There are so many “unwritten rules” and lies around dating. Why not spend some time unpacking them. Here are some examples:

Lie #1: If I go on one date it will lead to marriage.

Truth: One date does not have to result in marriage. You have the freedom to choose what happens after one date. A date is a time, moment, activity… dating is a commitment. There’s a difference.

Lie #2: If I date someone and it doesn’t end in marriage, I’ve failed.

Truth: Marriage does not equal success. Loving yourself well and someone else does. You are not a failure if a relationship doesn’t work out. If you plan on dating, some of your relationships will not work out.

Lie #3: Dating is harmless

Truth: Dating can be devastating. You need to be careful about who you align your heart and mind with.

1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

Lie #4: I will never get over the heartbreak of losing someone.

Truth: God is with us in our pain and heartbreak. He never leaves us. His promise is to heal the brokenhearted. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalms 174:3

Lie #5: If I go on a date, I must give them something in return. (ie, sex)

Truth: You don’t “owe” another person anything for taking you on a date. And if they demand it, get out… that person does not have your best interests at heart.

Lie #6: There is only one person on the planet for me.

Truth: God gives us the freedom to choose all things in life. Ultimately He knows who it will be, but we get to choose who that person is. “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Lie #7: I won’t be lonely when I’m dating or in a committed relationship.

Truth: Dating doesn’t fix your problems. The same way marriage doesn’t fix your problems. Being in a relationship actually can highlight unhealthy patterns in a person’s life. However, becoming the healthiest “you” will contribute to your dating life. Expecting someone else to fix your loneliness will not end well.

Lie #8: It’s not okay to be single forever.

Truth: WRONG! Jesus was single. Paul was single. The Bible encourages singleness. Singleness is as good as marriage.

Lie #9: My sex drive is too high and I won’t be able to control myself.

Truth: There is nothing wrong with a high sex drive. The goal is to learn how to manage it. You’ve been given the mind of Christ to discover how that works for you. “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

Lie #10: Dating is un-biblical.

Truth: God created us to be in relationship with one another. He created man and woman to be in relationship with one another. Dating is a way to get to know one another on a deeper level. Dating is also a personal choice. If you choose to date, you aren’t sinning. If you choose to date you are choosing to practice loving someone well.

Lie #11: Don’t date until you’re ready for marriage.

Truth: Dating done well, can be really healthy for a marriage, but this is something you have to agree upon with your parents

Are you emotionally and spiritually mature enough to handle the pressures of dating and the heartache of breaking up?

Lie#12: If I have sex before marriage, I am broken and God will never give me a good husband/wife.

Truth: God is the God who redeems all things, he makes all things new… His love for you and desires for you have not changed. He will not curse you if you have made mistakes in relationships, but he does want to heal you.

Lie #13: If I wait till marriage then sex will always be good

Truth: Sex like any other part of a relationship is something that requires love, patience, work, and time. So many Christians hype themselves up for the amazingness of sex and can be left disappointed when they realize that it requires effort. Also… getting married just because you want to have sex is an AWFUL idea! There is way more to marriage than sex.

Lie #14: Online relationships are different from in-person relationships

Truth: How you handle yourself online actually impacts you in person and in your future. If you wouldn’t do it in person, don’t think you can do it online. We all have heard the consequences of someone snapping the wrong photos, or being emotionally invested in someone online…. Loving God, loving yourself, and loving others applies both online and in-person!

As you prepare the core of the message using personal story and questions, keep in mind these points:

-You may want to share a personal experience of dating and what following Jesus looked like in that season.

-When someone is content in who God has made them to be and are secure in His love, they are often at a better place to date.

THE APPLICATION

As you prepare the application, challenge and/or encouragement, keep in mind these points:

• Dating isn’t the ultimate fulfillment in life. God is. No human will ever complete you.
• Singleness is the best season to root yourself in God’s love, secure your identity and be ready if dating becomes part of your story.
• God has made you to be you. Don’t look to other people’s relationships as a comparison. Walk in the plans God has for you (which might one day be dating and marriage).
• Honour your parents, ask them what their hopes and expectations are for you.